I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
