She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
