i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
