So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
