WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
