guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am available for nakedness
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
