the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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