There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
