she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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