I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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