haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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