exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
