I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
