i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
