So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
