Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
