tell your sister to shave her snatch
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
