Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
