i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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