Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
