Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
