why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
