Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
