I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
