Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
