We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
