Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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