no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
