I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
