just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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