You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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