So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
