i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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