i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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