Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
where are my eyebrows?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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