And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
