Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
