I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
