dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
