he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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