you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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