we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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