google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
where are my eyebrows?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
