her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
