i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize