he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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