You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
