i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
