HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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