I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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