shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
