My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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