dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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