Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
