i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
