I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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