before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
