She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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