If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
