im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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