I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Shame - the story of my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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