everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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