I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
