i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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