woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
