Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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