Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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